Inspired Ways to Help a Friend Through Cancer, Illness or Death
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041413

This is my new bed

One year after Art died, I sold our bed. My mattress has been on the floor ever since. I tried to find something else but my heart was never in it..until a few days ago.

 

This is my new bed.

Another step into my widow-life. Almost four years after Art died, I am surprised to find places where I have not fully stepped into my “Art-less” life. These moments are both alarming (the pain is still there) and soothing (the pain is not as common an occurrence as it once was!).  It’s a hello and a good-bye.

My new neighbor helped me put it together.  And again, almost four years later I am surprised to find that I still need help and delighted..it reminds me that to need and accept help is a wonderful human characteristic.

 

This month’s theme:  Cute Apron!  How to Help Around the House

 

©  2013 Kim Hamer

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040413

How to Help In a Crisis Contined: Way #70 Be Her Message Taker

This job is even more important if someone has died because many people will express their love via phone or email.

Buy these notepads here.

Her listening to or reading all of those messages is exhausting!  Be her message taker.

First, make a plan on how you will get those messages to her. For voicemails, will you just save them for her to listen to at a later time? Or transcribe them?  For emails, will you print them out? Or place them in a special folder in her email for her to read later?  (I would advice doing both, many a new grieving person has deleted an email by accident).

Second, figure out how often you will do it. in most cases, the younger the person is who has died, the more message taking will be needed.

Put you hand to work and take messages!

 

This month’s theme:  Cute Apron!  How to Help Around the House

 

©  2013 Kim Hamer

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021513

How to Help in a Crisis: Way #68 Pay For A Housekeeper

Housekeeping a completely unappreciated job.

Joan Benet 1939. The Housekeepers Daughter

Without it, many American toilets would have the ring-o-mold.

Which is almost as bad as the kiss of death.  If she has a housekeeper that only comes once a month, offer to pay for the housekeeper to come more often. Share the extra costs with some of her friends.

If she doesn’t have a housekeeper, offer to find her one, and/or to foot the bill, setting a time limit, of course, because you value her friendship and don’t want to become mean and prune-like, like fingers that have been in the water too long.

 

 

This month’s theme:  Cute Apron!  How to Help Around the House

 

©  2013 Kim Hamer

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021213

How to Help In a Crisis: Way #67 Mow Her Lawn (or shovel snow…as the case may be.)

Here in LA many of us have gardeners.  (Trust me, it is not as extravagant as it sounds.)  The “properties” they tend are about the size of the original mini cooper. And the  reason we don’t do it ourselves?  We have no place to store a lawn mower!  Our garages are full of crap!

 

 

Got this photo from here.

In more sane places (aka the rest of the country), yard work is part of a weekend ritual.

If your friend has a yard that needs to be tended,  tend it.

Do it yourself, arrange for a group of friends to do it, or pay someone to do it.

If the crisis looks like it’s gonna be over a long period of time, like 6 months or longer, don’t forget to be clear on how long you intend to keep helping and to arrange for another person to take over.

 

 

This month’s theme:  Cute Apron!  How to Help Around the House

 

©  2013 Kim Hamer

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020913

How to Help In a Crisis: Way #64 Do Laundry

A friend of mine, once confessed “I love doing laundry.”  I thought she was weird.

Laundry needs to get done, even in a crisis.

Either do it in her home or take it to your home. But be aware!

This is not the time to decide to try out that great smelling detergent unless she has indicated that she too thinks it smells great.

Use the same detergent she uses and skip the dryer balls if she doesn’t use them.

If you are not a laundry person, be sure to check labels.  You don’t want to send back her favorite shirt small enough to fit her dog.

 

 

This month’s theme:  Cute Apron!  How to Help Around the House

 

©  2013 Kim Hamer

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